Watching my company bleed out, one client at a time
Eight clients in two months.
That's how many we lost. Not eight leads that didn't convert. Eight paying customers who said "thanks, but no thanks" and walked away.
I keep a spreadsheet now. Because apparently, I'm a masochist who enjoys documenting my own failure in real-time.
Client #1: "We're pivoting to AI." (Translation: We ran out of money and need to sound trendy for the next fundraise.)
Client #2: "This isn't what we expected." (My fault - I oversold what we could deliver in their timeline.)
Client #3: "We're pausing all external contractors." (They hired an internal team for half our rate.)
Client #4: "The work quality isn't meeting our standards." (This one hurt. We fucked up. No excuses.)
Client #5: "We're going with a different approach." (They found someone cheaper.)
Client #6: "Budget constraints." (See: Client #2's translation.)
Client #7: "We're bringing this in-house." (They hired our contact away from us.)
Client #8: "We've decided to focus on other priorities." (Polite way of saying "you're not essential.")
Each cancellation email felt like a tiny death. Not just because of the revenue hit, but because I had to tell the team. Again.
"Hey everyone, good news and bad news. Bad news: We lost another client. Good news: We still have... let me check... four clients left!"
The worst part isn't the money, though that's fucking terrifying. We went from $47K MRR to $23K MRR in eight weeks. Our burn rate didn't get the memo.
The worst part is the spiral it creates in your head.
Random thoughts: "Are we actually good at this? Is our product shit? Am I just a terrible salesperson who can't set proper expectations? Should I start updating my LinkedIn?"
Questionable thoughts: "Maybe we need to pivot. Everyone else is pivoting. What if we become an AI company? Do we even know what AI means?"
After thought: "I should probably check if we can make payroll next month."
My girlfriend asked me last week why I seemed distracted. How do you explain that you're watching your company slowly bleed out while trying to act confident in front of your team?
I started avoiding our Slack channels because every notification felt like another shoe dropping. Client messages went from "When can we add this feature?" to "Can we schedule a call to discuss our contract?"
The fucked up part? Most of these losses weren't even about the work quality. Market conditions, budget cuts, strategy changes, internal politics. All the stuff you can't control as a founder but somehow feel responsible for anyway.
I'm trying to spin it as "learning experiences" and "market validation," but honestly? We're just trying not to die. Every new prospect call feels like a job interview where the question is "Please give us one reason why we shouldn't fire you too."
Eight clients in two months. The math isn't great. But we're still here, still fighting, still trying to dig out of this hole.
Some days that feels like victory. Other days it feels like delusion.
Today? It's Tuesday. We'll see which one it is by Friday.